"C-" This game is schizophrenic - 1UP.com
"5.5" Hi my name is not Jeff Gerstmann - gamespot.com
"5.0" This game is barely worthy of a weekend rental - gamespy.com
Ok we get it. Everybody hates Too Human. But why? The mystery will soon be revealed.
I decided to do some investigations....human investigations. What I discovered may shock young children.
THE YEAR IS 2007
One of the best years in gaming history...and one of the sneakiest. We all remember a game called Kane & Lynch: Dead Men right? Well I do. The game put fear into the hearts of every gaming critic on the interwebs. Some had balls. (Destructoid) Some did not. (Gamespot) What happened afterwards...may shock young children.
THE YEAR IS 2008
January. Too Human is in tight development when all of a sudden, they get a visitor. This is a security camera pic of that visitor.
It is none other that Jeff Gerstmann himself. A hidden microphone planted up Dennis Dyack's ass revealed this conversation.Jeff - Dennis! Remember Kane and Lynch!?
Dennis - Yeah.
Jeff - It was a government operation. The developers planted devices in the website CEO's wrists, which forced them to tell their staff to review it well, or else.
Dennis - Ok.
Jeff - They're doing the same thing for Too Human! Except this time it's review it bad or else.
Dennis - *gasp* Why Jeff, whatever do you mean?
Jeff - I mean...
Jeff was cut off by the sound of a black man carrying him away.
August...Too Human is released. I have discovered that all negative reviews of the game were pre-written. This can only mean one thing. It means that the writers wrote the review before the game came out.
If you have more information, please send it to www.assmicrophones.com
7 comments:
Fuck you bitch.
Can I fuck your bitch?
fucka fucka fucka bitch!
You suck, your console sucks and idiotic excuses won't help a game you hailed as an AAA title, like Haze, Lair and your Vampire Rain.
Even if this is a joke, the fail has flooded this entire blog. Buy a PS3, one guy left it on for 3MONTHS and it was still alright. Leave your xfuck 3shitty on for 5 hours and make sure you're not a charred mess like your shitty console.
You can tell most of these reviews have no weight just from the context.
I die too easy, the camera is mean to me, you're capped at level 25 your first time through...these wankers should just go back to pac-man and stop releasing bogus reviews.
I miss Jeff :(
That url at the end didn't do much :)
xbox skins and accessories
i've not been interested in Too human, something just isn't appealing to me with it .
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